you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
