Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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