I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wish my penis had an off switch
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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