There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
