I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
