i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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