I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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