That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
