i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
