I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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