They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
