Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
