I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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