there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Can I color on your dick again?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
