Someone shit on the floor
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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