She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
