State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
