I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
