I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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