I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
