69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
