Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
