i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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