I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
