my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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