Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
