Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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