So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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