Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
