so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
