I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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