I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
