OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
