This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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