there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
