go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
