According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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