Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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