You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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