ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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