Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
