every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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