Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
