Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
How external is "for external use only"?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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