Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
