Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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