I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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