brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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