Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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