Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
