He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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