Already got asked if we're dating
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
