what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
