the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
