Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
