you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
True strength comes from lack of pants
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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